Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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