I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
