return my video game
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
