i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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