Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I got inside last night via doggy door
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
