And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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