I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
