Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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