I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
