when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
