I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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