Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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