Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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