I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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