Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
