took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
