Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
