Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
