I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize