I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
