So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
