so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
