Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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