Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Randomize
