508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
