Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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