i'm lost and i look like a hooker
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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