I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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