i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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