His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
