Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
