I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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