and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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