i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
