How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
