ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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