i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
