If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
