I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
