worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
