In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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