Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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