There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the day after is always just damage control
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Even my vagina gasped.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
