How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize