Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
