im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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