well I can't set my house on fire every night
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
