I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
