a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
