It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
