The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
