Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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