Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
