yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
