It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
