i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
