Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
