1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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