My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
