my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
