btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
