Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
