I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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