I hate your face
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
