My hand turned me down
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
