Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
